ILLUSI MAYA

maya...
mana mungkin kau menjadi ratu hatiku
aku bukan yang pertama
juga pastinya bukan yang terakhir
tiada istana yang terbina
jika engkau adalah permaisurinya
tiada lena beradu ku ini
jika kau menjadi mimpinya
maya...
semakin aku ingin menyentuhmu
semakin jauh kau meninggalkan ku
semakin aku mencari mu
semakin laju permainan mu
benarkan aku maya...
untuk menyimpan kunci sangkar mu
agar kerakusan mereka tidak memamah lambaianmu
juga belaian mu tidak melututkan egoist
benarkan aku maya...
untuk mendakap mu
biarpun hanya illusi mu di fatamorgana ku
untuk ku usap menjadi
kabut di dalam hati ku......

hasil nukilan - marcus onassis 2005

i'm no angel !!

Today..extreamly bz..??!!Nope!! That phrase only valid to IBMers especially anom and aishah. Extreamly hungry..? Nope just had my roti canai for breakfast, 2 kuihs before lunch and nasi ayam for lunch. Extreamly broke..??? Yeah !! But thats ok.. still surviving. Today am extreamly low - low in self esteem, lack of motivation, depress, sick and tired. I need to breathe..!!! Help me!! ARGGGHHHHH!! Silly girl!! Can i just be myself sometimes..? Does that makes me bad and selfish person...? It's easy to say if you are not shared with others.. Every pieces of me belongs to lot of persons. Wanna know why??? All because of those lies i told!! Sh**!! Cant tell single soul!! And the only person who knows it doesnt even know its a damn lie!!..Not that i want to be alone all the time. I just need to have myself on my own sometimes. How could i feel so alone and empty..when i thought i got everything that i have ever dreamt for..? Is it normal doctor..? Is there any name for this syndrome..? Can u hypnotized me...and take me to a land far far away from earth...? Silly girl again..!! Gosh! Pleaseee lah..!! This is not one of those slots from desparate housewife.. I still got my faith and feet on the ground.. hope so!! Maybe tomolo will be a better day... U guys and gals have a nice day ok!! Wish u were here ...

MAYA CALLING

Few nights ago, something weird had happen and i dunno how to describe it. I think I supposed to get scared but I was angry instead. That night, I dunno what time it was. I was like half awaked and felt like something - very big, black and warm sitting next me and as if it was covering me. I cant move and open my eyes and nearly cant breath. So my subconcious mind must be recalling some old story back in my school and college days, and gave a card that this might be a genie or jin...dunno what type..but definately not adiejin!! coz if its him, i would definately cant breath at all...hahaha..So i tried to recite the Qursi verse.. but everytime i tried, my mouth would mumble different thing. Then i got really angry. I felt like i was screaming but no voice came out. After 3rd attempt of reciting that verse, that thing was lifted. Then I felt as if a water rushed out of my ears and got small twinkling sound around my head and felt as if my blood start to circulate again. I was quite angry although had goose bumps all over my body. Maybe tido lupa basuh kaki kot...

Last year, went to a hospital to visit a relative. I met one pakcik. He was admitted not because of severe illness but due to hypertension, depression and insomniac. He cant sleep and run daily life like normal people coz he can see things beyond our naked eyes. He can even smell them and they really stink. He said the creatures can be in many forms. From his story i assume they looks like those creature in the Man in Black, Alien and spongebob. So i asked him, dont he feel scared and how to chase them? He said yes he is scared sometimes but what he cannot stand is they interfere with his daily lives. For example he can see them laughing and pissing into foods or even licking his wife body while bathing. Yucckss!! So what he can do is to recite necessary verses. If he neglect to recite, they will come and disturb. He said one of the powerful verse is the "Wailahukum..... + the Qursi. That will make them run like hell and even burn them straight away.I dont think we can live like normal people if the veil to the other world were lifted. Pity that pakcik for the burden he has to carry.

p/s : best aa.. tulis tukar2 kaler nie... nak tukar template x sempat..

Wedding.. a lifetime investment

Last saturday went to a lavishly spent wedding ceremony at kl hilton. Some people are filthy rich!! But that's good!! Coz i got to eat good food too. Very good indeed. Ya..but at 10 o'clock though..Got chicken, big prawn, kuzi kambing, rendang daging, fish and dalca. I'm the 2nd last to stop eating...the last one is a guy. Coz kene maintain ayu.. terpaksa stop. Lagi pun kulit udang tu dah separuh pinggan..tak perasan plak. Ishh..ishh.. x leh bawak gi majlis !! I think for this wedding, RM150K surely gone for good (isk..kepochi plak). The last time I went, got Sheila Majid to perform for 30mins with payment of RM20K plus got a small orchestra to greet guest at the entrance..!! Tapi x leh lawan Samy Vellu's son wedding laa.. But whatever it is, hope their lifetime investment worth.

Selamat Pengantin Baru Dr Tengku Arizal and isteri!! Semoga perkahwinan diberkati Allah, setia dan berbahagia di samping isteri tercinta....

my girls' day out

Yahhoooo... finally got my girls day out with As and TN last friday. Though insufficient corum but the day still fun.. We were at KLCC from 9.30am till 5.30pm. Do some hoppings, shoppings and window shopping, get free samples from those fragrances and make up counters - of course after As bought them... hihi.. , indulged with la senza's ehem..ehem.... brushed shoulder with this poyo-tapi-hensem-ex-petronas-now maxis model- who had his hair done in the salon. What a guy!! Had lunch with TN at A&W...continue shopping and hopping from one shop to another.. this time my feet ached and my jaw went stiff (too much talking)... As continued her destiny of finding the right colour for her bobbi brown's lip gloss. Me...enjoying my cuppa at starbucks, smiling and giggling to passers-by like a cuckoo doll for the last remaining hours...tks girls!!

p/s: will post the pics later...

GIRL POWER ....happy girlfriends day!!

Today, i missed my friends so much. I miss all their stupid jokes, crazy things, laughter and tears we shared for almost 13 years. Well.. maybe coz my life is now at a very complacent stage and everything else is a routine and that triggers my wild nature. And the place where i can be real me lies amongst my friends. I used to tell them, that i rather trade my boyfriends than loose them. Hehehe... and that's real ... men come and go... but my friends stay through all those changes. i treasure our friendship so much.. coz we are a bunch of people, without any blood ties and lawful testamonials, can share so much together unconditionally. nobody's perfect but with you ladies, i do feel perfect. They keep me sane whenever things went crazy. im blessed to be guarded by beautiful friends like you all.

AJ
Your strength of struggle amaze me girl.. Never u give up to life. There's always a solution to everything. With you, i feel positive all the time. And that's why God have tested you with your patience. But you've taken it so well dear.. After what you've been thru, you will never fail. We've been thru so much of good and bad times together. God loves us so much, that our crooked ways turned smooth after all. Tks for all those brilliant advises, PI jobs ... (what a waste...tks for not complaining...), shoulder to cry on and lots and lots and lots... You never let me down. I owe you so much dear.

BJ
Underneath your calming face, lies a very strong heart. nobody among us could have endured life the way you did. But you managed to done it without shedding tears. My first impression on people are bad. So whenever i need my sixth sense view, you have a sharp one. How could i forget teaching you berenang katak at 10 pm, just because you dont want people to see you. i shivered like crazy.. and you still continue doing your froggie in that frezzing pool. And oh..our crazy nite outings, lazing around in cars admiring kl view on top of Tmn TAR hill. Did you know that, you are the one who taught me how to do facials? And till now, for beuty tips you are my reference. So, next time pleazzzee.... dont forget to take me with you, if you go to beauty workshops ok??!!. Me oso wan to be "women's weekly make up model" ya..!! Can or not sifuu?

TN
I get to know u just because people started to talk about these 3 girls with coloured hair in our school. One is me, another one is ellia and you. Ellia's hair is obviously blonde but yours is definately red and its hard not to be mistaken it for a walking red light..(ee..jahatnyer uu...) jgn mare.. You are smart in charting walks of your life and good luck is always by your side. Your empathy nature makes us so much in common. You give me lots of brilliant and practical ideas and never fail to lend me a hand..

DA
My dear... you are the most manja and confused person i've ever met. I cant be giving or saying too many things at a time or you may get numb. Deep down i know you're a very sensitive person. Sometimes i may hurt you, when i get annoyed with your childish act. Sometimes you didnt realize how powerful your naive nature can be. And i'm sorry for being too protective. You are a great companion. Both of us were an unstopable party goer - watch Dead Mushrooms's concert in the afternoon, drove to Seremban to visit your parents, change clothes in car and back to HRC to have dinner paid by someone who had head and heels over you. Those crazy days..!! But the best thing - when you use your manja element to persude abang polis not to gimme a ticket..!And we got away with it. I dont know how you did it dear!! But thats your strongest trait. You said " being manja is an advantage to women. Manja is different from mengada-ngada or getik. It's the easiest and effective way to get what you want." So me and my other friends, try hard to instill some manja traits in ourselves, but it didnt work as well as you...but we wont stop trying though. I think back then, we should have a movie- "simple life" in malaysian version. And chup... i'll be Paris ok...hihihi.

blur no more girl ...

AS
I think the time that we get so attached was when, AJ and BK went to australia and TN to uk. My first impression on you was "so lady like" and i dont think you could get along with an extrovert, outspoken, daring and flamboyant person like me. You are a soft spoken and very well organised person. You never fail to prepare me tit bits and strawberry tea everytime i drop by your house eventhough for just a quick hi. Until now, i try to arrange contents of my handbags nicely or lipsticks standing still on my dressing table like you did, but it all last for only 2 -3 days. Then it all back to me throwing out rubbish from my handbags just to look for my handphone. Just cant figure out how u manage to keep your things so organised...But the most important and best thing that you've done to me, without you knowing it..is that.. teng..teng... teng....you've open my eyes .. to do my degree in accountancy.. or else.. i just might be wasting my cash - buying nonsense things, wild partying (hihii...) and donate to those so called BBClubs ..ceh..And dear... you are a trustworthy person .. do you still keep all my unrevealed pictures with you...? Just dont sell them to paparazzi ya...

rainwater
In the entire school, you are the only person who listen to same music genre as mine. I always felt out of place whenever it comes to songs selections. But you understand me. From there on, i get close to you. Sorry cant make it to your wedding day.. But i'm so happy for you. Thanks for your visits everytime you came down here from singapore. I'm so flattered. I know..i must visit u there too.. i know u love me ... and i love u too...



But now girls... those days were gone. You've touched the very sacred place of my heart. And it will always be. I understand priority changes and people do too. It makes me smile to imagine all of us, and till today still have strong feelings to each other. It gives me a sense of warmth to know that these are the friends that i can always rely on (of course u can rely on me too...) and my days will always be brighter with them around. merci de filles. tu me veut dire un tant (tks teacher aloy..)Err..when is our next karaoke session and girls day out...?? Brapa lama mau tunggu daaa....take care and pls do say good things about me ehh...p/s: sorry bout' those photos ... at least u gurls look 13 years younger...ehehehe!

sizzling desire

as i'm getting older now.. ops i mean more mature.. got this so called bad habit.. after half an hour taking my lunch or dinner but worst after dinner, i will start to feel hungry again. Sometimes i pretend to watch tv but my mind actually wander to all kinds of food. Then my mouth will starts to water like a greyhound dog ... eh.. no lah ..more like a teething baby. So whenever i feel hungry again, i will start to talk about food that i want to eat. And people will stare with their eyebrows raised and give snide remarks "but u just had your dinner" or .. "u got cacing arr..?" or "it's actually not you who's eating the food but.. some alien inside u". So like a stupido trying to defense herself - telling off those scientific reasons behind it - with high metabolic rate, food transform to energy faster bla..bla..bla. However, they also told me that i'm so blessed to have big appetite, can eat whatever i want without ever thinking its fat content but still didnt put on weight. Yeah..come to think of it .. they are right.. never in my life i've ever thought the need to refrain myself from having good or luxurious food. So now guys and gals.. these is what i craved everynite after dinner;

no.1 - Big Plate's grilled salmon served with caviar on top of it and salads; no.2 - my sis's spaghetti with sauce mixed with minced meet, mushroom and baked beans; no.3 - kl mutiara's dim sum; no.4 - victoria station's cheesy lobstar and no.5 - masak asam pedas melaka daging cincang; no.5 - aishah's baked macaroni.

Oh god! I thanked you so much for this pleasure you've given me... even tough i cant taste all of them at this particular moment the pleasure of imagining them is heaven enough. Thank you...

yummm...and caviar on top would perfect it!

a women's dilemma

Wrinkles can be so difficult to hide. You'll need make-up to cover them up and lots of those anti-ageing-cream pat to your face every day and night. No matter how disipline you are on this routine, the lines will still be there. Every time you wink, blink or squint - facial movement will deepen wrinkles on your face. Sigh.. how to justify wrinkles with ageing? But worry no more! Here comes Mr Botox and Mr Vitamin C to wipe out those wrinkles in a wink..!Ehmm... so tempting for someone who's at ripe old age of 31. My good fren told me.. everybody take vitamin c injections now.. 1 capsule equivalent to 280 oranges (err.. dunno equivalent to what mg..). So no big deal..Total cost would be approx RM300 for 2 mths usage. The effect is gradually seen after you've completed the 6th capsules. Surprisingly, the effect is not only radiant skin complexion but also on your mood - stress free, more relax and couldnt care less if your husband is having an affair... aik .. bunyi lain macam jer..heheh. So...when should i get mine? Botox is a big no. Love to have estee's pefectionist or la mer but too expensive. I have to give priority to edible products . Ehmm... seems need lot of d.i.y for time being or i just stick to my fren's homemade jamu drink... which make wonders internally..yeah baby!! Better than sendayu tinggi or puteri acheh or POK. So ladies out there..who want to have a trial can buzz me arr...it works!! it really works..hihi...

p/s : for guys ..just make sure u wear at least spf15 .. its not a girlie thing.. it potects u fr dark spots and skin cancer and oh.. dont try those lipsticks at night ok.. adios

ms barbie ... pretending to be me..