"mek..mek nok gi mano tuh..?"

I'll be leaving town tomorrow morning. Hope everything goes well.

Dad will pick me up and will be looking forward for nasik dage, nasik berlauk and my fav nasik tupe..

Yummy..yummy my little tummy...

Need to practice those dialects again. Oh! I sound sooo.. Siam sesat already.

dear..you're forgiven not forgotten

Elle bumped into one of our friend from old college days, while having dinner with her husband at La Bodega. She almost didn’t recognize her due to her extreme transformation from kampong girl to elitist look alike. She looked so lavish and rich, with heavy make up, blonde hair and designer clothes. Speaks in English with slang that she thought sounded so fake and loud that attracted others to glimpse.

“Oh! By the way. I’m resigning and I’m gonna be the Outlet Manager in %#@& Boutique next month. I’ll host a cocktail party and you must come. My friends told me that I’m soo.. good in choosing bags and shoes. Am I right Daphne..?“ (She asked her friend who seemed to be standing like a puppet next to her grinning and nodding).

And she went on bla..bla.bla.. as if they were the closest buddy before. The conversation she had with her was the longest compared during college years where they hardly spoken to each other.

After a while she left and kept Elle and husband numb for secs. “You sure she’s from our college..?” Elle husband asked her, still in shocked of these two Dunguners speaking in London as if they never tasted a kepok lekor before.

Elle told me that she must be doing very well to support her high maintenance of living. She drives Bettle and live in an exclusive area and she didn’t even have a degree. Well, I guess she must have been very good in something else. Good for her I reckon. And we both did whined about how we have to work our butt out to place ourselves as where we are now and some people are just plain lucky.

And Elle asked me a question “ Maya don’t you feel proud of her or maybe a little bit of envy?”

Yeah.. I did ask myself that question. How do I feel about her now?

She used to be one of my close friends during college time until she backstabbed me. I’d totally rejected and ignored her existence in college and she was miserable with that. It was posted all over her. And to make things worst, my other friends put a signage on the door of our pot room “PEAH! U ARE OUT OF THIS BOUND” and every girls in our batch were made aware of this cold war that has been declared upon her. I’ve never asked them to do all that, but I guess it was just their justification in supporting me. And they also came to know that they too had been bad mouthed by this Miss Peah Plastic. Nobody knows the exact reason of why I break the friendship knot, except me and her. And I have kept it inside until today. She never did expose the reason because it would definitely portray herself badly. And she is very slick to be using that loop hole as to her benefit. She started to create ridiculous reason behind her boycott to make us look bad instead. But most of the girls know who she really was by then.

Her main prob is that she like to lie and sometimes her lie is like “kencing tak sampai seminit dah kantoi”. I pity her actually, but she had to be taught that in a friendship the forbidden rules not to be bend are betrayal and badmouth your friend. You must never ever do that after trust, good and hard times you had put together. That’s the value and price that you had to pay.

But I guess, after years later, I found it in my heart to forgive her and hope she has the heart to forgive me too. We both must have wronged in our ways but it is so human to err. I have cleansed my heart from any hatred or grudges on her. But for me to accept her as friend like before is so not gonna happen. I have learned my mistake and ordinary people don’t change overnight, I believe.

As to answer that question - I’m certain that proud or even envy of her cant be the word to describe my feeling.

For me she’s just a girl that I’ve known long long time ago. Not that I want to banish her but that’s just all -nothingness. I don’t want to be skeptical on how she made her living even sometimes friends did poured me with info about her – not that they didn’t know I’m not interested about her life but just because they thought she was my best enemy. And my answer will always be the same “That’s the kinda life she’d always wanted and that’s how she’s living, I guess she’s happy with it, and that’s just fine with me”.

I don’t value friends through what they wear or car they drive or where they live or dine or what bags or shoes they wear or if they speak fluent English. Nope! I really don’t.

For me those are just a self rewarding item. To be enjoyed by oneself after their hardwork. But then, different people reward themselves differently. Some may buy Breitling watch or Ferregamo handbag, some loves to travel and some may just buy books and feel bliss just by seeing them properly arranged on racks. And they deserve every bit of it.

What makes me look up or be proud in a person lies more than just material dear.

I’m proud to have known a friend that left all her/his luxury life just to live life that they believe in. A friend that is so damn rich but humble to earth. A friend that can balance their duty as a wife, mother and career woman plus without a maid (this is a superwomen lah). A friend that was not gifted with a child, but share their love with other children. A friend that was gifted with lots of kids but manage to bring them up with so much patience and passion. Unmarried friend that give all their love, deeds and sacrifices to their parents. A friend that is so patient with their physco husband or wife though they were treated so badly physically and emotionally.

For me these are the kind of friends with strong will and good heart. A friend that I can share their concerns and learn their good values. Just being with them, you can feel their inner strength and realize that life is not just about things that can be seen but also things that need to behold and believe in.

Ada Apa Dengan Rangga..?

There’s this guy working within the same vicinity as mine. A very handsome guy and I think very much younger than me. He’s a six footer, broad shoulder, very well defined chest and has a great smile. Got a bit of a Chinese look but those eyes would suggest you that he might be a Malay. His hair is a bit wavy and bit too long for office work, I guess. And that’s why I called him “Rangga” as he looks slightly like Nicholas Saputra. Yeah.. some of my friends too do agree that he got the height and good features as a model…What a waste they said..

But..Maya…u tak perasan ker? Asked one of my friend who thought this Rangga was kinda ‘selebet’ type.

"Perasan apa..?" I asked her back.

“Seluar dia selalu senteng la…”

Huh..??!! Ya ka? Aisey..

So last Friday, it so happen that I was in the same lift with this Rangga. He stand right beside me and I felt so short. Yeah we did bumped into one another several times before. He smiled at me and I smiled back of course.

As I was quite closed standing beside him, I cant help myself from zooming of what he was wearing.

Mmm..let me see.. Wah! Prada polo shirt (man wear Prada ka..?) - I saw its label sticking out from the side of the shirt..

Mmm.. I better check his pants too.. just to verify if his seluar is really 'senteng' as what my friends had claimed..

My eyes vigorously moving down to his ankle to see length of his pants..

And.. well it’s not thaattt 'senteng'..

Ohh and wait.. he’s wearing a sandal..

Aduii… why la pakai sandal..??!!..

Not a turn off or what..but you know those hypo theory about one man’s toe and their..you know what thing…!! If its big .. then its big la… betul ka tak sendili mau ingat la...

Aduss..!! And I went berserk to satisfy my libido curiosity and check out his toe..

And O M G!! I am sooo doomed.. Yess la..Hidup Rangga!!

Hiihih..Maya so naughty.. have a nice toe dude!!

* Sorry ya Rangga for that unauthorized mind invasion.. and if you have one on me too.. I don’t mind at all babeh!!

BRAVEHEART (can i flash up my kilt too..?)

I have to admit that I can’t be brave all the time. Even pretending to be one for the sake of others could be so tiring. I have worn all type of bravery hat all my life that sometimes was merely a damn stupid act.

I still can remember, when I was 8, I ran away from home taking a Len Seng bus no. 69 (I think so..) to a friend’s house in Taman Melawati, just because I was so stressed up after some argument with my dad. But then of course, neither my friend nor my parents would have thought of that 8 years old girl’s ridiculous agenda that thankfully has lamely failed. I have no choice but to silently keep my intention and went back home. I guess that was my point of life when I realized the immensity of another voice inside me, an intuition that can really drive me to do whatever I want and even shield from anything that may deprive me in any ways. Never that I was afraid of doing anything except things to do with frogs… Heheh!.. From thereon, I know that nothing could have hurt me emotionally if I won’t let them to.

I always am amazed by people with good wisdom and strong will. I learn and adept all the good values though the fact that the so called philosopher itself can be a total jackass.

I get attracted to man that are so much older than me, because I thought they were wiser and mature. I’m sorry if I may sound a bit judgmental here, but my perception at that period was men at my age were so immature and lack of wisdom. While they were struggling hard to get their testosterone stabilized, I need more than just helping them to overcome their madness.

I want to be dominated and not me telling them what to do with their life. I need someone that are wiser, that would enthralled me with their intelligent views. And for that I would think older men are sexy. It transcends those white hairs and wrinkles that they have. And yes I know, wisdom is acquired through aging, but I cant wait. I need to have the ability to bring myself up to few years more than my age, particularly in my way of thinking. Ironically, I still cant get rid of my clumsy behavior and childish act though, which surprisingly man find it amusing.. well I can be a good pretender sometimes.

But then I realized the fact that I’m actually have confused myself with my needs of a father figure to guide my life, which has made me idolized man in such a convoluted way. The truth is, older man may not all be wiser and mature, or will ever get their hormones stabilzed, but they are indeed more knowledgeable. And that’s just all...

And that was then.. I’ve got what I want. Being dominated physically and sadly emotionally. And it is all my fault, because I let them to.

Now all that I want is to have a day without feeling of vomiting blood out of myself. Living in this terrible sanctum can sometimes changed those illusions into real. And that scares me.. scared of losing myself and soul.

And I brave no more, scared of being tested in greater waves more than what this tiny little heart can bear.

But worry me not coz I’m good…. and by God willing.. I will stand this test of time..


Ps1 : Now I need to wear my fins and tail and hit the sea again..

Ps2 : my previous entry is a song by Aerosmith.. I wish I can write that beautiful… but that’s exactly how I felt at that period…. And I sang that song all the way swimming back to my city of Atlantis… thank you for those who cares.. my love to you all..

Ps3 : xde di pasaran lagi.. so main monopoly version ah long jer!! J